i grew up in a family of narcissists. i loved them, but when you are in the midst, unless you, too, are a narcissist, you simply don't exist. it does have it's advantages - one learns to be incredibly self-sufficient and to take care of one's needs - but it also means growing up with a feeling of being very alone... invisible.
i struck out on my life's adventure after graduating from college, then on to unc to become a costume designer and makeup artist. heading to nyc (via a short stint at teaching for six months) i realize that being alone in the middle of hundreds of thousands of people was awesome!
i could move into and out of many groups - be the eternal "watcher" and yet, move onward to another group without anyone noticing. my life was filled with incredible experiences professionally, but as an individual, i always felt on the outside of that window looking in.
i'm not complaining, though, as i loved to observe, feel, share in that world. but, it came with some risks. the one who had to take care of me was, well, me. as a single individual, i prided myself in my ability to adapt to almost any scenario and make ends meet - i was creative and clever and successful - not so much financially - that was always on the cutting edge - but successful in doing what i loved and being able to still pay for myself independently.
why this retrospective and why now? and why so personal? come beneath the squirrel tails and i'll share those answers.